Ok, finally got around to changing the introduction text. But as you can see, I'm too sianz to write a proper one, so am going to blabber on in hopes that you will get an idea of what sort of person I am by guessing. Yeah, the format of this blog is crap. I haven't got around to fixing it. Later lah.. Much later...
i'm tired of studying. i'm so tired . . . . i wish i was like kwan yee, in the sense that she lovesssss studying. then i would be in heaven right now, not tearing out my hair. i wish i loved studying, then all these how many years of my life spent with books would b pure joy instead of pure agony. i'm so sick of staring at books n notes. my whole room is filled with notes. chem notes, bio notes, math notes, notes, notes, notes, notes, all clogging up my room n wasting paper. i hate these notes, looking at them makes me want 2 puke. blehhhhhhhhhh. i bet if i tore them all up into little pieces it could b like e heniken advertisment. e christmas 1. haiz. i just wish i could wake up 2morrow morning n find tat e 'A' levels r over.
ME signed off at 5:34 PM
Sunday, October 24, 2004
15th entry
U knw wat is e scariest thing 4 me about scoring like shit 4 e 'A' levels? Its not even e possibility of destroying my future. I'm not so melodramatic as that. My life won't go down e drain just because I do like shit in e 'A' levels. At e worst I'll waste another year retaking e damn thing as a private candidate. U know wat is scary for me? It's e relatives. It's e humiliation facing all those kepo queens and kings who will probably stake me up as an example for their kids if I don't do well in my 'A' levels. N then I'll have to spend the rest of the year having 2 face them at CNY or something and listen to their well meaning but irritating advice n 'comforting words'. They'll tell me things I already know n don't want repeated right into my ear another 2 thousand times. But I'll have no choice except 2 sit there and politely pretend to listen coz they r afterall, my elders. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
ME signed off at 4:09 PM
Thursday, October 07, 2004
14th entry
I feel ancient at 18. As if my prime is over. When we r just born into tis world, we have e whole world of possibilities open 2 us. we can have nothing, b nothing, no richness, no knowledge- but wat we have is time. Wat we have is youth, an entire future open 2 us. We can achieve anything, b everything if we start right then. N then as we get older, one by one e doors close, e paths we get 2 choose from become fewer n fewer until 1 day, there will only b 1. E walk 2 every man's final destination- death. When i'm 80 i will b a shrivelled old thing envying youth bcoz i will knw tat they can achieve anything n everything if they work hard enough, but tat 4 me it wld b 2 late. tats y i feel ancient. bcoz i can feel myself aging, i can feel my matrix of possibilities shrinking at an alarming rate. At 18 i knw tat wat could hve been achieved at 17 is no longer true a year later. When i'm 19 wat other doors will i nvr gt e chance 2 open or ever see again?
ME signed off at 2:48 PM
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
12.5th entry
I named tis entry 12.5 coz i dn't like e no 13. so i am doing it like e hotels so as 2 avoid it. hehehe. i've been sick e last couple of days with a blimming flue. bleh. Some ppl cn't tell when they r sick unless they r half dead, but i can always tell when i'm going 2 b sick or am sick. Its by e way my brain feels as if its wadded up in cotton wool. i'll feel as if i'm under anesthetic, not that i actually knw how tat really feels like since i hve nvr really had tat experience. When i'm sick i feel like taking a drill n drilling a hole into my skull so as 2 pull all tat cotton wool out. Just like when i hve a stomach ache i feel like digging a hole into my abdomen 2 dig out e offending organ. Of course i knw tat i wld die if i really go ahead n do those stuff. Its like tat urge ppl gt 2 jump down when they look down from a high area. They r nt really going 2 jump down or anything. its just an urge.
